I need you.

:]

2007-04-22T18:16:05Z

It's so beautiful outside right now.
It's inspiring.
I love it.

it's 420!

2007-04-20T19:15:44Z

like half the world is blazin' right now.
ha. nice.
tonight I'm going to kylie's house & spending the night, bre is gonna be there too. we're gonna go to the jv show. tomorrow bethany is possibly going to amber's? and I wanted to go too, but amber's mom hasn't given her a definite answer so I don't think I'll be able to go because my mom has to work tomorrow. on sunday I'm going to the mall to get new clothes for a Quebec trip, I'm exciteedddd. oh and there's this boy. he makes me happy. but he's 19 + my friend's cousin = never gonna happen. oh well.

so,

2007-04-15T19:08:25Z

I really need to read speak. I only have a quarter of it done, and I need to do a gayass math puzzle. fun!
but yesterday I saw Timmy cause we ordered Zonies, which was cool cause I never see him. Also,
I ran into a wall that had wet paint on it. That was fun. I slept till 1 in the afternoon today.
I needed it. I wish summer would get here. It's not that I don't like school. I just don't like going.
I don't know if that makes sense. We're supposed to get a snowstorm tonight.
FUNNNNN. not. it's April 15. there should be no snow. I feel sick. I'm gonna go.

tuesdayyy!

2007-04-08T18:57:25Z

I seriously can't wait till tuesday!
It's gonna be hella funn, me, jess, and bre are all going to amber's house.
I'm wicked excited and yesterday I got zebra shoes and leggings <3
and today I dyed my hair auburn brown :x it's still wet so I don't know exactly what it will look like, but it's permanent and there's definitely red in it. My mom said if I don't like it I can dye it back before vaykay ends. haha.

ooh, and I want pancakes baddd!

oooh, and HAPPY EASTER! ha.

hahahahahhaa

2007-04-06T02:17:14Z

kylielovee15: shwow

heyyo brittystar: ;-)

heyyo brittystar: hey you know who has a penis!?

heyyo brittystar: ****!

kylielovee15: OH MY FUCKING GOD

heyyo brittystar: HAHAHAHHA

heyyo brittystar: THAT WAS A GOOD ONE.

kylielovee15: i...wow. i cant'.....wow.

heyyo brittystar: :-P

heyyo brittystar: ...i bet it's big.

heyyo brittystar: BAHAHAHAHAHHA.

heyyo brittystar: i love myself.

kylielovee15: OH MY MOTHER FUCKING GOD

kylielovee15: EW.

lololololz.
spring break is here!

today,

2007-04-04T20:25:15Z

I had four tests. nott excitinggg. nopenopenope.
but tomorrow is a half day and then break till th 17th, so I'm excitedededed !
things are going alright, life isn't horrible right now.
I'm surprised.

well.

2007-04-01T21:14:06Z

I'm over one boy,
back to another,
and I have my eye on a new one.

I guess life is alright.

right now,

2007-03-22T21:53:01Z

I feel empty.
very empty.
I don't know why.
I just feel like something is missing.
I don't know what it is.
But it's tearing at me like nothing has before.

oh boy.

2007-03-22T21:47:54Z

I am so done with you.
I'm going to pretend we never met.

liar.

2007-03-20T00:53:01Z

You've lied to me this whole time.
You care way too much about her.
You miss her way too much for there to ever be room for me.
You made empty promises.
I was right all along.
You can't keep a promise to save your life.

all_ways_always @ 2007-03-19T20:06:00

2007-03-20T00:10:06Z

I hateee headachesss.
so fucking muchh. gah.
I just want this week to be over.
I need the weekend.
BOTB on Saturday <3 I can't wait.
next week, no school on friday and I have Kylie's birthday party to go to.
Which is actually super exciting cause I can't wait.
:D I'M GOING TO HAVE A TSHIRT WITH SHAUN WHITE ON IT! YAY! :D
it will be amazing.
but right now, I'm dying.

all_ways_always @ 2007-03-11T19:52:00

2007-03-11T23:54:46Z

I miss you,
so bad.
I wish I didn't.
I hate this.
I miss alot of things.
I miss so many things and people.
It seems no matter what, I'm always missing something or someone.
I miss life.

:]

2007-03-09T20:23:27Z

Danielle told him she was just kidding about me liking him.
Of course, that's a lie but he doesn't need to know that :]

In a past entry about my take on valentine's day, I mentioned how I would rather have a present on March 9th, than valentine's day just because someone loves and cares about me. Well, My bfflwad got me one! I love my amber :] we are gonna seriously be best friends forever. March 9th is officially now International Amber + Brittany = Best Friends Day! :D

Tonight, I'm going to Jessika's house. I'm actually superexcited. I know that Shelby & Amber are going too, but I don't know about anyone else.

haha, my cousins paris & damian got a puppy! And it's all black and on the back it has a white streak shaped like a lightning bolt so they named it harry! like harry potter! I was like wow, that's amazing.

I need to meet that dog. My dog's just named Adessa...kinda like Ariel's [the little mermaids] sister Adella.
:-P
Well, whatever I'm done. I have a life to live, I guess.

:[

2007-03-09T01:52:18Z

It's cute how my cousin [danielle] likes to blab to boys that I like them when it's not her place.
& the boy agrees.
I love how I can never ever like someone the slightest bit without them finding out or knowing.
It's actually extremely annoying. For once, I'd like them not to know! I thought that this situation would be it.
But now there's nothing but awkwardness when I walk by him in the hallway :-\
thanks cuz.

& tonight I was going to go to the chorus concert to see kylie&all those other chorus people,
but unfortunately it was canceled :[

two hour delay tomorrow?

Today, I realized...

2007-03-06T01:52:52Z

I'm completely bored with my life. Despite, what happened on sunday, which was horrible and in no way was the excitement I was looking for, my life has become nothing. Everyday is just the same. Who knows when I'll be able to talk to him again. He's so faraway...And stupid that he gets himself grounded for 0394-2589320349iejfdn39204 days. god. The only thing I have to look forward to is seeing that other boy at school, who is just way too far out of reach.

I hate seeing "pretty boy" at school. My friend asked me for some poems cause she had to write some and I've always been the poem pro, so I got out my poem book and I found this whole random rant about him. It actually made me want to cry.

Sometimes I think I like you.
Sometimes I think I don't.
Some days I'm ready to give up on you.
Some days I know I won't.
I'm giving up on the rhyming.
It just doesn't work now.
You make me so confused.
I do like liking you, cause you're such a great person and truthfully I don't think I'll ever stop liking you a little more than just friends or whatever we are right now. More than anything I want to be good friends with you, because when I'm around you, I feel happy. I know we're not getting anywhere, because you don't want to. Honestly, I'm more than okay with that. What I'm not okay with is not having you around. I know this is weird, and it sounds weird to me too, but I got attached to you. I still am. And I'm trying my hardest to get over you. And I think the best way to do it, is with you around. You're a great person & every word in every poem I wrote, I meant. Those poems will always be for YOU. And maybe you've heard that too many times, but when I write, I wear my heart on my sleeve, and you told me you loved them, so that made me hold onto you that much more. I know I used them as an excuse to talk to you [which I don't do often] and get your attention. When I see you, I want to say hi, but I feel like it would be awkward. But everytime I walked near you and didn't say anything, I felt awkward then too. I'd rather you be one of my friends than just the guy I have a crush on. But if you don't want to be friends with me. Then there isn't much I can do. And I'd want you to tell me even if you think it'd hurt me and it probably would but everyone gets hurt. All I want you to know is I miss you all the time and I love talking to you even if it is for only 2 seconds, literally. I should stop cause I'm confusing myself to if I really like you or if I just want us to be friends without the whole me liking you thing. But I'm not sure how to get rid of that yet. But I'll try...So if I stop writing, will we start talking?

boy oh boy, he really had me.
I love how I would write all my feelings to him and never tell him.
I love how when I'm near him he acts as if I don't exist.
I hate how I care.

EDIT:
By the way; it's my mom's birthday.

I hate you for...

2007-03-03T14:54:18Z

making me waste all my time on you.
leading me on and then leaving me here to wait and see if you'll be the same when you come back.
making me addicted to you.
loving her, even though I know you can't help it.
making me miss you.
being so scared of relationships.
being/acting so heartbroken.
not wanting me to let go of you, when all you're doing right now is hurting me.
making me second guess my feelings for you when I thought I was so sure.
telling me beautiful lies, that will never come true.
caring about me.

the way you love her, makes me sick.

2007-02-27T02:42:54Z

You're not gonna believe this one guys. I actually wrote a poem.
Well, it's poemish. It's been forever since I've really written [since I lost my inspiration].

maybe you were right, lovely boy.
maybe everything does end in heartbreak.
maybe it's better for you, to run off with her.
seems to me, you both think the same,
nothing good comes out of love.
do you have any idea what you're giving up?
why are you so scared, when you're the one hurting me?
here I am, waiting, do you want to let go of me?
your fault, not mine.
lovely boy, I hope you make the right choice.
remember when you told me:
"I could actually see myself being happy with you."
then why are you so deadset on her?
after all that she put you through.
well, I'm going to find my happy ending.
as for you, lovely boy, you can keep your tragedy.

No matter how many times he says sorry.
No matter how many perfectly understandable excuses he gives.
It won't keep me from hurting.
I don't understand why he wants to be with her, after she ditched him for someone else.
& when she couldn't handle that, she went back to him.
I think they're alike. I mean I'm not a pshycologist or whatever and I barely know her.
But I think they're both afraid of relationships, the whole tying down thing.
I don't know what they're afraid of? Maybe hurting? Oh well, they're only hurting themselves no matter what the reason.
I shouldn't be one to analyze others anyways, especially people I hardly know.
It's just that you can learn alot about a person from reading their livejournal.
More than you think.
Whatever, I'm probably totally wrong, but I needed to write down what I thought,
and whether it's incorrect or not I don't really give a shit.

I wish I knew...

2007-02-24T04:13:35Z

exactly what he saw in her.
Just so I could know how much I was losing by.
He's choosing her over me & no matter how many loving, kind words he says, I'm not comforted.
Technically, we're perfect for each other. Libra + Aries. Libra + Aries.
Astrological opposites. Total soulmates.
I just wish he knew how much he really did mean to me.

btw; My mom finally bought a house in the city! It's on 3rd st. I think we're moving in the end of April, cause of a bunch of paperwork stuff? and there's like 3 owners of the house and they're all located in different places around the US? I don't know, but I'm happy about that.

It seems I can't trust you as far as I can throw you...

2007-02-20T21:19:23Z

Who to trust? Who to believe? Either one could be lying. I would like to believe him, but I don't fully trust him.
I don't want to believe her, but I get this sense that she might know exactly what she's talkng about.
He's already killing me by liking someone else more than me, and if he's lying to me about liking me too, he needs to stop.
He's wasting my time. Yeah, I do like him with all my heart, but I don't want to be led on.
Today I was told, "He makes girls like him & then he goes and breaks their hearts." I don't know what to think of it. It's believable. But I'm not quite sure I trust the source. He's believable, but as long as he likes her too, I don't trust his feelings for me.
Even in November, when he started talking to me, I didn't trust his feelings for me. That's part of the reason I couldn't like him then. I didn't trust him. I trust him a little more now. But not fully. My friends tell me to be careful. Well, I'm being as careful as I can be, but I've already fallen, so it doesn't matter how careful I am now, he's going to break me. Today I ate a fortune cookie & the fortune said, "Make your judgement trustworthy by trusting it." Do I trust my judgement? Do I trust my judgement of him? Of his feelings?...I don't know. I'd like to think he's not like that. Running around, breaking girls hearts. But with the kind of company he keeps, like his best friend, I guess I wouldn't put it past him. Eh, he likes that other girl anyways, who I guess is single now again. So I guess I'm pretty much screwed & I'm going to end up getting hurt. This always seems to happen to me. And to think for a second, I actually thought I was happy with life.

oh god.

2007-02-19T02:05:48Z

I hate this. I hate this. I hate this.
I miss pretty boy [a select few will know who this is].
I miss him alot. I don't know how to explain it. I was talking about it with kylie.

heyyo brittystar: ........I've been missing pretty boy more than usual lately......:-X

kylielovee15: realy

heyyo brittystar: really.

kylielovee15: oooooooooo

kylielovee15: u htink u might like him again?

kylielovee15: **think

heyyo brittystar: but i know that i can't like him again, because that would just be horridddd. but i miss him terribly terribly horribly extremely much. :-(

kylielovee15: ooooooh

kylielovee15: =-O

heyyo brittystar: yeahhhh

kylielovee15: it'd be ok if u liked him again

kylielovee15: i mean if thats what u want

heyyo brittystar: but i don't think i do. i just....i don't know. i don't like him...i just i want him. to be apart of my life again. :-\i don't know.

kylielovee15: yea.

heyyo brittystar: blahhh

kylielovee15: do u think theres a possibility u might want to liek him again?

kylielovee15: *like

heyyo brittystar: i think i just still think he's so amazing that i feel like the only way i could have him in my life again is to like him again but i really don't want to like him. i just...i miss him. :[[[[[[

kylielovee15: yeah =[

you won't read this. but I really do miss you. I really really do.

I don't understand.

2007-02-19T01:42:15Z

why I've let him get to me.
Usually I'm smarter than this.
I let myself get attached, and in the end I'm going to get hurt.

ugh.

2007-02-17T04:20:11Z

I hate being bitchy.
I always feel like I'm being bitchy towards him.
but I have a right to be mad, right? don't I?
I don't know.

ohuygfrdsxcyvukzj.

2007-02-16T19:31:09Z

So yesterday I went to see Les Mis after school for three and went to Jess's around 6 and left there at like 8:20.
And it was snowing/blowing snow sooo bad. YOU COULD NOT SEE ANYTHING. I was scared. I'm surprised we didn't get into a wreck it was that bad. But besides that, Les Mis was amazing once again. And today we had a snowday. Next week we're supposed to have off but nooo. So we only get monday off, ghey. Whatev.

Things aren't the same anymore,
Some nights it gets so bad that
I almost pick up the phone.

imissyou.

no one sleeps till my voice finds your ears.

2007-02-15T01:08:00Z

it's extremely hard to be upset about something concerning someone when they end conversations that make you sad, like this:
e: i hate to say it my love
e: but i have to go
e: bye <3...cheer up chipper
Extremely hard, because they care. and you feel as if you being sad makes them feel bad. when you don't want them too. But there's no way you can feel good. and you're not going to lie about it, because that's pretty much all you've done all your life, and if he really wants to know how you feel, I guess you just might as well tell him.

I love you in the same way; there's a chapel in a hospital.

2007-02-14T19:56:17Z

So Monday I went to see Les Mis. And well, let me say it was just amazing. They're all soo talented and I absolutely loved it.

Onto a different subject, they took our february break away. We get monday off and that's it. It pisses me off to the max. They're taking it away so they can have more snowdays. Half the school is leaving anyways and they're still gonna teach new stuff. They're so dumb, but I don't feel like typing everything out and complain about it.

Valentine's day is so boring. About 9243893 people were born on it cause it seemed like everybody's birthday was today. It was weird.

Sometimes my friends annoy me. They are all like "GO OUT WITH HIM, ALREADY!" and it's like "It's really not that simple." Cause 1, he's far away. 2, he's started this new thing where he gets to know the girl before he gets involved. 3, I won't go out with a guy who likes me but likes some girl more, when that other person already has a boyfriend. Finally 4, well this one's pretty simple: he's never asked. I don't trust his feelings towards me. Not as long as he likes her. I know if given the chance he'd be with her. I don't trust him. Well...No. It's not that I don't trust him. Just his feelings towards me. I don't believe them.